Life Begins?


Today I turn 40 years old.

Now, I’ve known for years that this was going to happen. In fact it was a fair bet that after I popped out of my mother on a wet and windy Wednesday in 1972, that I would survive long enough to reach this first portal to middle age. What with all these modern medicines and such.  So I honestly thought that I was completely prepared for it.  After all, it’s just a number, it doesn’t mean anything.


For the last few weeks I’ve been dwelling on the thought that I’m halfway through my short pointless life and haven’t  yet done a single thing of note. I spent an hour last week, sitting on the edge of my bed weeping over a picture of myself as a baby. What went wrong? I’m nearly dead! Arghhhhhhhhhhh!

When Mozart was my age, he was already dead,  Oscar Wilde was a year away from bumming himself into prison and John  Nathan -Turner had drunk BBC Television Centre dry.

Of course this panic is completely normal for somebody of my age. I just thought that I would  be different. I would deal with this milestone birthday in a relaxed, no regrets type way.  Maybe I’d stand on a beach puffing on a Galois while staring towards the horizon and my exciting future with emphysema.

However my outlook changed last Saturday when my family organised a party for me. It was truly lovely and I spent most of it humbled. My Mum had created a time-line of photographs of me from birth, right up to the present day and my sister had made a wonderful cake (top).

Within seconds of seeing all these lovely things, I dropped the silly mid-life panic and replaced it with the joy of  having  brilliant family and friends and the certain knowledge that there is life in the old dog yet.

If you fancy seeing a lively old dog and his friend. Then why not pop down to The Phoenix, Cavendish Square, London this Sunday. Where me and Andy will be dusting off our alter egos, Dab and Tench, to host this month’s Michael Legge’s Private Hell. Which features special guests Richard Herring, Tony Law and Catie Wilkins.  To be honest, me and Andy are rather excited about this.

Also If you’re coming to the Edinburgh Fringe this year, we’re doing a show with Dab and Tench between the 5thand 10th August at the Amarone Restaurant on the corner of George Street and St Andrew Square. It’s at 745pm, so you can be nice and drunk by the time the show starts.

Gin up.


Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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