Footballery

Do you hate football but find yourself in a pub where violent men are watching football? Then you need something to shout at the television.

Here are some things to shout at the television:

• Arsenal! Death knell, more like.
• Do the kick!
• Touch him!
• He’s got fresh legs!
• Rustle it!
• Smell it!
• Burst it!
• That was definitely off!
• Dance it in!
• That was so chewy!
• Manchester United! Death knell, more like.
• Cruel him!
• Pump it! Pump it!
• His legs are stale!
• Nice one referee!
• Pull him off!
• It needs a horse!
• Thump it out!
• He has an invisible staircase!
• Who’s the bandstand in the dark!
• Crackly!
• That was out of chips!
• His legs are mouldy!
• Red carp!
• Push it into the other man!

Thank you.