An Open Letter to Somebody

Dear Somebody,

That thing you did made us furious.

You told us the thing was in our interest but it was actually because you were trying to make up for that other thing. You disgust us.

Over two trillion people are in some kind of situation that you are doing nothing about. You just sit in your ivory office being possibly illegal or immoral and ignore their plight.

As we stand in our North London kitchens warming our balls and vagina on the AGA while thinking about all those people without AGAs, balls or vaginas. Your face appears in our collective brainskull and makes us angry. Where do you get off? No really! Where do you get off? Which bus stop? We need to know so that we can wait at that stop and beat you up with our words of anger through a megaphone. You disgust us.

You may believe what you did was justifiable and we are simply over reacting. However we are not alone. There are some other people who are just as frustrated, angry and obese. We will not be silenced and we will make our unwelcome, whining and tedious voices heard on Twitter, Facebook and in blogs like this one.

You disgust us.

Yours Faithfully.

Martin Wolfenden
Tarquin Spong
Simon Clitterbus
Dewhurst Mountebanks
Caitlin Moran

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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