Hot Enough

It’s summer in the United Kingdom and the sun is cracking ‘t flags. So what can you do to maximise your enjoyment of this special time of year? Here are some sexy suggestions.

  1. Ride a frozen glove.
  2. Kiss a deer.
  3. Sweat yourself French.
  4. Sting a friend with wasps.
  5. Lick a ghost.
  6. Piss on a jellyfish.
  7. Scream something complicated.
  8. Write a poem called ‘A Maelstrom of Cocks’.
  9. Dress as a Victorian and demand to see the lunatics in your local psychiatric hospital.
  10. Watch Breaking Bad backwards, chanting “fixing good fixing good fixing good…”
  11. Buy an octopus nine pints.
  12. Go into space.
  13. Thrill a mockingbird.
  14. Stick bunting up your arse and call an ambulance.
  15. Inform your family that you have a week to live and die forty years later, laughing.
  16. Get a job at the Cadbury’s factory and fill the Cream Eggs with sick.
  17. Visit Stewart Hall in prison, wearing a giant foam penis.
  18. Glue googly eyes to corpses.
  19. Discover what happened to Lembit Opik.
  20. Lose all your money at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Ta ta.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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