Gamey

So I’ve had my PlayStation 4 for a week now and I must say that I am rather impressed. I don’t want to turn this into a tech blog, there are loads of those already. However I really must write about it so that in eight years time I can look back at this entry and laugh at how impressed I was by a games machine that doesn’t even have a neural interface. I was an idiot back now.

I’ve mentioned before that I went for the PS4 simply the internal gubbins are far better than those of the Xbox One. This seems to have been a good decision as we are already seeing games designers reducing the visual quality of their games to fit on that system.

Anyway, I’m not here to knock the Xbox One. However Microsoft do seem to have made precisely the same mistake Sony made when launching the last generation of blindly fun boxes. Back when the Xbox 360 and PS3 launched (nearly a year apart), it became obvious that apart from the outdated DVD drive the Xbox was the better machine. It had double the memory of the PS3, which was the only reason I needed to buy it. This time the specs are closer but the PS4 wins with a better GPU and that super speedy DDR5 memory, not to mention its compact size and pleasing shape. It looks like Microsoft were so afraid of another ‘red ring of death’ that they designed a box full of coolings but with all the aesthetic quality of a car battery in a ditch.

Yes, I am very disappointed Microsoft. We could have had something together, but you cut corners. YOU CUT CORNERS, YOU RAT BASTARD!

En-ee-way.

The first thing that struck me about the PS4 was the interface. It was smooth, like a silk hanky on a melting butter penis and it was really easy to find everything. I gleefully entered my user name and password half a dozen times to set up the various apps and free trials. Then I fell asleep for an hour. Yes kids, that’s what happens when you get older. You excitedly bring your new toy home from the shops and nod off while setting it up.

After waking up and making a cup of tea, I popped in the copy of Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition I’d bought for cheaps on the Ebays and my jaw dropped. The quality of the graphics were astonishing. You could see all the hairs on Lara’s head and the texture of her skin. If I were a heterosexual and a pixelphile, I would have married her in a fancy electric church. Also, I was delighted to see that Lara is no longer the gigantically boobed character of the early games. She is now a strong and heroic woman. Screenwriters, take note.

Well I could wank on about the other features of the console for hours but I’d bore myself, so I’ll stop here. By the way Killzone: Shadowfall is the buggiest game I have ever played, so I wouldn’t bother with it. Also the camera is fun but the voice recognition sucks.

Update: Killzone was updated yesterday and is now working properly.