That was quick! It was only an hour between publishing yesterday’s blog and the summary execution of Mr. Laughs’ television show. So today’s post is about my winning the Euromilliner Lottery. HAHAHA! It isn’t really. Which is a pity because I could have done with a giant box of berets.

The blog is actually about the horrible business of buying Christmas presents. As year after sodding year goes by, it becomes increasing difficult to purchase original gifts those you loved. So this year I have made a list and checked it twice, just for you. You know? To take the crying and killing out of what should be the most wonderful minute of the year.

Christmas List

Mother: Embryo hat.

Father: Cramplet.

Sister (small): Petrol.

Sister (medium): Jellied face.

Sister (large): Ghetto grease.

Sister (enormous): Jest pump.

Brother (inverted): Box of space.

Brother (prefabricated): Gay snakes.

Brother (elasticated): Gas wand.

Grandmother: Pickled Bible.

Grandfather: Ginzillade glass and monocle set.

Friends: Spiders.

Enemy: The Ring of Rassilon.

When you’ve bought that lot, settle down with some Bailey’s and have a good listen to the Brainjam and Wilson & Wolfenden podcasts. Both are available on the iTunes and Soundclouds, if you are so inclined.

Love you.


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