It’s alive!

Yesterday I went to see King Kong. It was very good; however I felt let down all the way through it. No don’t get me wrong the film was magnificent the acting was terrific, although I was kind of hoping Jamie Bell off of Billie Elliott would be eaten, however he survived. Anyway it wasn’t any of those things; it went far deeper and was more soul tormenting than that. They had run out of Nachos, so I asked if I could have a hotdog but apparently they didn’t have any of those either. Eventually I stomped off to the pick and mix area and filled my bag with what the sign above the bay called “Chewy Nuts.” However after getting to my seat I dug into these delicacies only to discover that there were no nuts in the Chewy Nuts only a rather disgusting toffee.

That my dear people is the sum tragedy of my life. Anyway today I resolved to discover how to make Nachos myself, in order that I would never run out. So I bought all the ingredients from the supermarket, popped a DVD in my player ready to go, made sure my 5.1 surround was 5.1 surrounding and vacuumed the carpet. Then I set to work, first pouring the chips into a suitable container and warming a block of cheese up in the microwave. This is when things started to go wrong. The cheese separated into curds and some yellowy fluid. I leapt forward and drizzled the molten curds over the chips which looked good then sprinkled on a fair few Jalapenos. It all looked splendid, however when I got to my sofa I came to realise that I’d discovered a kind of cheese flavoured rubber, which although nice took some chewing.


Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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