Have decided to become a television producer. Here are just a few of my ideas that will be coming to your screen soon.

Title: Harsh Words from a Small Man
Premise: A dwarf swears criticisms at some men.


Title: Celebrity Pharmacy
Premise: Eight celebrities run a Chemist shop for six weeks. Challenges include retrieving an aspirin from a pit of spiders and talking people into trying experimental drugs.


Title: Teach My Kid a Lesson
Premise: Twenty five ASBO kids are driven over a cliff in a bus full of bombs, while Stuart Hall laughs.


Title: Vile’s Disease
Premise: A sit-com in which Sam Vile inherits a pest control business. Hilarity ensues when Sam finds a mouse up Lady Crimpleton – Jones’s flu.


Title: Celebrity Traffic Island
Premise: Ten celebrities try to resist the temptation of a Little Chef restaurant just feet from the traffic island where they will be sleeping for 2 years.


Title: I’m Really Fat
Premise: Sharon Corpulent tells, through a vale of tears, how unhappy she is being fat. Then in part two she takes us through her favourite cake recipes.


Title: Push Me
Premise: A history of the electric button.


Title: How Smelly Are You
Premise: Two well dressed women mock a tramp.


Title: Polihits
Premise: Andrew Neil hosts the late night discussion show where members of the public are able to put their fists to the faces of leading politicians.


Title: Doctor Woo
Premise: ITV version of the BBC’s hit show. Doctor Woo shows Iris how to celebrate Chinese new year on ice.

Title: Gladiators
Premise: Seven fitness obsessed bank workers fight to the death while Stuart Hall laughs.


Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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