You Bum Too

After struggling for weeks with Debian; I finally  gave in.  Frankly I became exhausted. Iceweasel couldn’t display the simplest flash content and I had to jump through flaming hoops of death just to get Flash installed. Even when it had installed it wouldn’t play BBC iPlayer content. This wasn’t a problem for telly shows as my Virgin V+ box has iPlayer built in. But it doesn’t do radio and I love Radio comedy but am often too busy to listen to it on the day of broadcast.  So I really need that facility on my computer. On top of it all Gnome the GUI (Graphical User Interface) uninstalled itself when I was removing some sound driver software. This  seemed a little extreme. After all when I throw out a milk bottle my house doesn’t suddenly disappear.

So why is it all so difficult? It’s simple: Debian is designed by programmers for programmers so everything is made excessively complicated. In my time I’ve met such people  and know exactly how they think. They remind me of a character played by Richard Herring in a series of sketches about a driving instructor. The instructor mocked his students because they ‘couldn’t even drive’. They laugh at the very idea of  somebody who doesn’t understand how to compile a Kernel or have knowledge of the most basic Linux or UNIX commands. Their evenings are spent masturbating over images of confused faced Debian users and they laugh and laugh while ejaculating code onto a particularly confused man’s puckered chin.

This is the reason why I have expunged Debian from my computer.

So that’s the end of my experiment with Linux, time to go back the plodding world of Windows Vista.

But hello what’s this? It’s a different distribution of Linux that’s easy to use.

“What the…?” You say.

Yes, my dear friends you heard me correctly,  easy to use, it’s name is Ubuntu.

Ubuntu Ubuntutux-ubuntu

I love you Ubuntu

I want to screw you Ubuntu

And feel you Ubuntu.

Ubuntu is another distribution of Linux which is designed for those of us who aren’t confused face wanking programmers. In fact there are no confused faces with Ubuntu, just jolly smiling ones with chocolate in the corner of their mouths from a giant lovely cake.

On Sunday morning I download the CD image, burned it to disc and then set about installing it. The installation was smooth as Teflon coated silk. It even imported all my documents and browser settings from Windows Vista – even though it was on a separate hard drive.

Other differences became apparent when I logged in. Firstly Iceweasel had gone in favour of Mozilla Firefox and Alsa recognised my soundcard immediately. Something which had taken me three evenings to accomplish in Debian. All my documents were where they should be as were all my browser bookmarks.

Now for the acid test. I went to the BBC site and clicked through to the iPlayer site. Firefox recognised instantly that I needed Flash to play the content and a window popped up with a list of available plugins. I pressed the install button and it was done. Yes iPlayer worked!

I’ve still not found a decent replacement for Dreamweaver  and the evil Apple Corporation are still refusing to give us a Linux version of iTunes. Perhaps one day my friends, one day.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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