Cold Twrkey

I did it!

No I haven’t invented a monkey grenade or the world’s first elastic telescope. What I have done, in full surround fact, is pass an entire evening without Twitter. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, you may well gasp and clutch your fluttering hearts. This is indeed the biggest deal since Mr Big bought some big trousers from a big shop and sold them on for a big profit on a big Ebay. Hmm so that’s why I didn’t get any work writing for Blackadder.

Oh ignore all of that! I’ve just had a look at Twitter and it turns out that I sent a message to Robert Popper at 11pm. Oh the humanity! Why can’t I cure this quite minor and none destructive addiction? After all I gave up smoking and heroin. OK I never actually took heroin but I watched and read Trainspotting and I’ve been to Edinburgh a few times which is pretty much the same thing really.

Moving swiftly on from my Twitter twoubles.

This morning I received an Email message accusing me of being a woman hater. This threw me a little as I have always got on rather well with the opposite sex. So it seemed unfair that a correspondent would call me a misogynist and advocator of violence towards women. The reason for this diatribe was the second episode of Brain Fluff which can be seen in the post preceding this.

Let me now deal with the main points of this missive.

“Your intention was to take away the post of Poet Laureate from a woman in order to preserve it as a ‘man only’ club…”

Firstly the piece was intended to show my pathetic attempts to become the next poet laureate and pinch Anne Marie Duffy’s job. This was not because I wanted to preserve it as a male only bastion but to get some yucks out of my appalling poetry.

“I was deeply offended by of the badly edited in character of a uniformed man who was advocated raping Ms Duffy”
What the…

The character of Airman Spaffing was intended to reflect the attitudes of an average Daily Mail reader. There were a few other inserts filmed but due to the time and file size restrictions of video podcasting, they were binned. I will hold my hand up and admit that it was badly edited together and there were sound problems. However it in no way suggested that Airman Spaffing was calling for the rape of Ms Duffy. He was simply trying his own brand of macho humour. Granted the placing of his last interjection in the piece may have given the wrong impression and for this I apologise.

“You have small evil eyes.”

No I don’t! I have quite big eyes. What you saw was an incredibly tired man fighting to remain awake.

Did this post address your concerns Amanda? If it didn’t I will be happy to discuss it further – on the moon.

For those of you who kindly said that you had enjoyed Airman Spaffing, I am pleased to say that he will be making a return soon. I just need to settle on his character. At the moment he’s a bit Harry Enfield. This isn’t a bad thing, but I would prefer him to be an original creation and not quite so derivative.

Oo get Mr Pretentious!

Shut it!

Time for some shepherds pie.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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