All Things Being Equal


My brain is mashed.

For the last fortnight I’ve been wandering through life with little if any awareness of my surroundings or situation.  On two occasions I’ve left my card in the cash machine and have had to run back for it. Yesterday I left my front door open and popped out for the day. Happily I seemed to get away with it but my house seemed tidier on my return, so I can only conclude that Kim and Aggie flounced by and did some dusting. During an inspection of my less dusty bathroom I noticed that an unflushed stool had disappeared from my lavatory; leading me to believe that Gillian Mckeith had scooped it up and sent it to the lab for sniffing.

In a bid to get my brain unmashed and unwound, I settled down with a nice cup of tea and switched on the excellent Precious Little podcast.  However in my weakened brain state I was completetely unprepared for what I heard. Michael Legge was discussing the podcast that I do with my chums Tom and Andy.  He was very nice about us but then dropped the bombshell that me and Andy sound the same and Tom is actually a woman. I rewound and listened again. Yep I’d heard right, me and Andy sound the same. This is very frightening as Andy is from Surrey and I’m from West Yorkshire. In my head we sound completely different. Perhaps we’ve been chums for so long that we’ve morphed into the same person.

It took me some time to work out why Tom had turned into a woman.  Lisa had joined us for the ill advised revisiting of our first anniversary podcast and to the casual listener may have taken the place of Tom. However Tom was there too; so does he sound like Me and Andy? Has he also become part of this gestalt entity?

This is terrifying for me as a person, who in the past has spent his time shouting swears from a stage at a room full of strangers. Were they laughing at me or my generic voice? Perhaps I’m known as Martin ‘indistinct’ Wolfenden in the comedy venues of the Manchester and Leeds.  At least Michael Legge has his Northern Irish accent to differentiate his voice from the laid back South Eastern accent of James Hingley. What have I got? A mild Yorkshire accent that sounds the same as every other Yorkshireman on the planet and one man from Surrey.

Maybe not.

The problem really is that we’ve been doing the podcast for so long that we’ve grown complacent and self referential. We obviously feel that we don’t need to use each other’s names, as our lovely and loyal listenership know who we are.  So it’s time to shake up the Gentleman’s Review. We’ve got our new logo and rehashed them tune but now we need to introduce ourselves to our new listeners.

So I would like to thank Michael Legge for waking us up and I strongly advise you to download his and James Hingley’s Precious Little podcast, which can be found at & iTunes

They don’t need the plug as they are doing incredibly well without but I’d like to see them in the top ten of the iTunes chart.

Haggis for tea.


Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

2 thoughts on “All Things Being Equal

  • Haggis for breakfast, haggis for tea, zing-zang-zing-zang-zing-zang-zee. How was the haggis? I’ve never tried it. Apparently, in addition to minty chocolate stilton, Morrison’s are now also selling chicken’s stomachs at recession-busting prices. My flatmate curried some, just the other night. I hid.

  • I just started listening to the podcast a couple of weeks ago. Am now up to ep 27 and think I’ve finally started to be able to tell the voices apart. However, I should expect it would be easier for someone not foreign


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