On Friday afternoons, back in the early 90s, I would write a list of ridiculous television show ideas and fax them to the BBC and Channel 4.   Eventually people at those institutions  would look forward to them arriving but eventually I had to stop as people began doing similar things on comedy programs, which made my efforts look derivative.

However I think it is time to restart that old Friday tradition, so here are my pitches for ten new television shows.

The Passion of the Chris

Chris Packham off of ‘The Really Wild Show’, visits companies who claim to be ‘passionate’ about a product and makes them fuck it at gun point.

Stupid Lazy

Funny man Robin Ince, visits people who work in cinemas and the Post Office.

My Massively Obese Funeral

Some men bounce on a fat corpse while Stuart Hall laughs.


A look at nothing from the bronze age to the present day.

Making Babies

Two teams compete to make a living baby out of some guts, electricity and the skin of a dead hooker.

My Tidy Room

A fifteen part series in which Susan Sarandon visits some of her favourite tidy rooms.

Grumpy Babies

Ten babies gurgle about tits and nappy rash.

Ate the Rich

Paris Hilton’s ex boyfriends speak frankly to Sir Trevor McDonald.

Tall Vole Rescue

Angela Rippon saves voles from high places, like shelves and steeples.

The One Show

Thirty minutes of ghastly shit.

That’s yer lot! I know they’re not very good but I’m out of practice, it has been eighteen years.

More next Friday but for now, don’t have nightmares but do have a lovely weekend.

Pitch One
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