Fools and Regulations

The problem with modern living is the sheer quantity of rules and regulations one must obey in everyday life. From not robbing banks to paying the goose fattener – the average working person is almost crushed under the weight of their responsibilities to the government and randomly appointed officials.

For example, I received this an hour ago.

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From: Bernie Gunt

Sent: 3rd October 2012 09:00



Subject: Unacceptable Behaviour!!!

Dear Mr Wolfenden,

Yesterday, while walking my pet lady by your house, I noticed YET AGAIN that you are failing to comply with the guidelines set down by the residents committee with regards to the sky above your property. It states categorically that all sky must be ‘blue with wispy clouds’. However you still persist with your grey cloud and drizzle motif.

If you persist in defying the residents committee in this matter, we will have no option but to send you another letter much like this one and ban you from all further committee burials and dance afternoons.

We would also like to draw your attention to the rules regarding the keeping of wasps in tins.

‘1.16a All wasps must be stored in Golden Syrup tins.’

However, you have been observed keeping wasps in a tin of cocoa. Kindly desist! Wasps in cocoa look like foreigners and we can’t be having those on the street.

Yours Sincerely.

Bernard Gunt

Lord High Councillor

Residents Committee.

Please consider the environment before burning this Email as a witch.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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