Yummy Pie

“So,” I said stroking my belly, “it’s time I went on a diet.”

“Right-o,” said my friends.

“I’m going live on 1500 Calories a day, then I’ll loose weight.”

“Well good look with that,” they said while making a ‘fer fuck sake’ type face.

So I began my week, full of good intentions. I had a little over 1500 Calories yesterday but it didn’t worry me as my diet would work. It had done before and I was sure that within a month I would be a few pounds lighter.

However today, disaster.

My diet has well and truly come off the rails and plunged into a ravine. It is there now, surrounded by serious faced TV news reporters doing pieces to camera, while firemen poke charred cadavers with sticks. One of the most serious looking reporters is asking “Who is to blame?”

Well I’ll tell you who is to blame! It’s Mr Delicious Cheesecake and Mrs Kit Kat. They have conspired together and are laughing at me in my head. Now I know this may sound like mad talk but it really isn’t. After all if an apple can talk, then so can a confection. Don’t you know anything?

So I have to make a decision, do I forgo my delicious posh Shepherd’s Pie and instead eat a Ryvita covered in air. Or do I simply say sod it and tuck into yummy lamb and mash.

Ah sod it.

If you fancy joining me in my posh Shepherds Pie, here is the recipe.

Posh Shepherd’s Pie (also known as Shepherds Pie)


A fair amount of leftover roast lamb.

Some carrots and peas.

A number of potatoes.

A sachet of OXO Lamb and Mint gravy. (Don’t be tempted by the Coleman’s variety, it tastes rank.)
Some mature cheddar.


Chop lamb into bits and pop into a pie or casserole dish.

Do the same with carrot. The peas will not require chopping, as they are peas.

Make up a pint or of OXO gravy and pour it into the dish. You will need to cover the contents so may need to add more water.

Place uncovered on the middle shelf of a preheated oven at about 160 Degrees which is gas mark something.

Leave for forty minutes.

In the last fifteen or so minutes peel the potatoes and boil until soft, then mash the buggers.

Spoon the mash over the now cooked lamb and veg.

Grate some yummy cheese on top and grill until the cheese is melted and the carapace is crisp.

Bon apetoot!

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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