If you’re like me, then stop it! I hate it when people impersonate me, hate it.

 Sorry *twitch wibble*

If you’re like me, you will be heartily fed up of those lists which zoom around by Email and social networking sites. You know the sort; they ask you a series of questions and you answer them as truthfully as you can before sending them on to a million friends who fill them in and send them to another million friends until everybody is heartily sick.

 To lay these annoyances to rest, here is my list of twenty questions and some many answers to that:

1)       What’s your Italian snack name?   Luigi Crisp

2)       What is your favourite tower?   Tower Hamlets

3)       Do you like me?   No

4)       If you were some sky, which sky would you be?   The sky above a nudist colony
 (not fat old nudists).

5)       Is it safe?   Yes.

6)       What’s that?   None of your business.

7)       Legs or arms?   A few.

8)       When was the last time you dusted a chicken brick?   1979

9)       Who was the last person you tweaked?   Blondin. 

10)     Is it just me or is that…?   Yes it is.

11)     Gas dumplings?   No

12)     What is the name of your favourite fish?   Susan.

13)     Your favourite dancing mythical creature?   The Disco Unicorn.

14)     What’s your PIN?   4589

15)     Favourite weapon?   A big old gun.

16)     Who will you be sending this to?  Some Swans.

17)     Who is the most likely to forward this on?  I don’t know they’re Swans!

18)     Who is the least likely to forward this on?   David Carradine.

19)     Pugilists or Barristers?   Barristers.

20)     Your final word?   Gland.

 Chilli tonight.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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