Any Old Iron

So the Olympic stadium was stolen by metal thieves. Is that a good thing?

Here’s what the general public think:

“It is a disgrace that our royal British Olympic stadium has been stolen by metal thieves. Isn’t it time that the government put a stop to this sort of nonsense by building everything out of plastic?”

Mr James Crimnock.

“Bring back national service!”

Dr. Alexander Flesh.

“Bring back hanging!”

Mr Neil Armageddon

“I’m bloody furious that some Charlie Sillybockers has relieved us of our Wiff Waff court. I will fire a policeman immediately.”

The South Bank

“When I was a kid we could leave our doors unlocked and detached from their hinges. This was very inconvenient in the winter when snow would blow up our back passage, leaving the stairs impassable. However they were happy times and nobody stole anything, apart from the burglars.”

Mrs Irene Levitate.

“I don’t care who did this but they should be sent back to Bingobangoland where they belong.”

Mr N Griffin

“Thank god for that! If one had to spend another hour in that bloody place, one would have shot someone. Bloody idiots in tights running around and what about that foreskin shaped hill? Dirty cunts.”

H.M The Queen

“No stone will be left unturned to bring the perpetrators of this crime to justice. Even now we are streamlining the Metropolitan Police Service and bringing in reinforcement from G4S. We are closing in on you criminals and you can expect to be arrested any moment, within the next thirty or forty years. Get in my belly pheasant ha ha ha ha ha…”

David Cameron

“Bring back the cat.”

Miss Doreen Flaps.

Good aftermorningnoonevening.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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