Dog Bondage
My friend Lisa has a dog who I occasionally look after when she needs to go to the cinema or something. His name is Dill and he’s a large gangly lurcher. So large and gangly in fact, that he has to back out of small spaces because he has the turning circle of a North Sea ferry.
Yesterday while I was looking after him I discovered that I had run out of milk so grabbed his lead and we set out to my local supermarket. After a short walk we got there and I tied his lead to the post, which the store has kindly provided for that very purpose and went inside. I didn’t want to leave him out there for too long, so I ran to the milk section, only stopping once to pick up a packet of biscuits. To cut a short story even shorter it took be all of five minutes to get the milk, pay for it at the checkout and leave the store.
However when got back to Dill I was utterly gobsmacked at the scene which greeted me. In the time it had taken for me to buy cow juice and happy sugar cakes Dill had managed to tie himself up in his lead to such a degree that he was lying on his back trussed up like a turkey. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I couldn’t stop laughing and passing strangers were pulling out their phones to record the moment. However Dill just lay there with a slightly haughty expression on his face which seemed to say “I intended for this to happen, I am simply rehearsing an escapology act, please go about your business.” Hmmm perhaps I read too much into that expression.
It was at that moment I realised that Dogs are the best comedians on the planet. Fuck your Meerkats! They have to be animated and voiced by an actor to be funny. Dogs simply have funny bones, which they occasionally bury.
Speaking of fun: I would like to thank all the nice people who told me they enjoyed the podcast. It was the most fun I’ve had in a recording since we started doing them over 18 months ago. However I must warn you that if Andy is ever visiting your house, do not give him coffee. Like me he’s a tea drinker so coffee sends him hyper and slightly hysterical. It also makes him even funnier, which is really not on – he’s already funnier than I am so doesn’t need any encouragement. Just give him a nice cup of tea and he’ll be fine.
Also during the podcast I plugged Michael Legge and James Hingley’s podcast ‘Precious Little‘ and I forgot James’s name which is unforgivable and I apologise muchly. I am a fucking idiot when it comes to remembering names. Anyway you must download it here, it is the law and I don’t want to shop you to the Rozzers.
Steak and chips for tea.
