A Listener to Kill

Just a quick blog today.

Many thanks to all the people who contacted me regarding child abuse support groups. However I have never been abused either sexually or physically, nor was I kidnapped by a man and taken to space. It was just a bad taste joke and I hope that I haven’t offended anyone who has actually been molested by a man in a field. Believe me, if I had been bummed by a stranger (which I haven’t…well not as a child) I wouldn’t be telling you, I’d be getting counselling or some such thing. Eleven years I spent in the Catholic education system and not a single priest fingered me, even when I did a sexy nude dance. Wierdos!

While I’m on the subject of people not getting the joke. Read my words: I was not slagging off Stewart Lee in the last podcast. In fact I was taking the piss out of those people who prostrate themselves before him as a comedy god; when in fact he is only an excellent comedian. Lets face it, there are loads of those around and if people got off their arses and supported their local comedy night they might see how many funny women and men there are out there. Granted, I was interrupted before I finished my hilariously satirical look at fandom but you should all know that I would never genuinely deride one of the best comedians in the country, who am I to do that? Nobody, that’s who.

Well, one person thought I would.

On Sunday morning I checked my Emails and received a small shock. While scrolling through the adverts for ‘make it big’ cream and offers of free money I spotted a message from a nasty person who was offering me a chance to have my existence terminated in a number of unpleasant ways. Sadly I can’t publish the Email until the authorities have finished dusting it for clues but the message was clear: criticism of Steward Lee is punishable by death.

Of course this isn’t the first time I’ve received death threats; in fact this is my fourth. The other three were received in 1993 after I foolishly suggested on the wireless that ‘No Rain’ by Blind Melon was “tedious”. Happily on that occasion I didn’t die, unlike the lead singer of Blind Melon who eventually stuck too many drugs up himself and shuffled off this mortal coil.

It goes without saying (even though I’m saying it) that none of my bile is turned towards the lovely readers of this blog or even the 99.99% of people who listen to the podcast. It is only directed to that 0.01% who are mental and who probably think that I actually shared a house with an auctioneer giraffe.

Here is Blind Melon with ‘No Rain’.

Blind Melon – No Rain
Uploaded by EMI_Music. – Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Martin Wolfenden

Back in the early days of this Century, I made some money by saying the odd funny thing in public. On one of these occasions a fellow funny talker told me that I should write a blog (because that was the sort of thing funny talking people did back then.) Now, I’m not the sort of person who does things the easy way, so I rejected all the ready made blogging platforms and started my own website. Since then it’s become a repository for whatever stuff is bubbling out of my brains and a directory of various podcasts and videos that I’ve made with my friends and is completely unnecessary.

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